UNDERSTANDING CUSTOMERS - Why Do People Lie?

WHY DO CUSTOMERS LIE?

A favorite topic among pet groomers is that of client lies. To hear us talk, clients are a bunch of liars, telling untruths about how long it's been since Fluffy was last groomed, how often they brush, when mats appeared, the cost of their previous grooming, excuses for missed appointments, and any number of things. Are customers liars?

The truth is clients are humans and humans lie. Not just some, but most people lie. In a study at the University of Virginia, Dr. Bella DePaulo found that most subjects lied once or twice a day. Why do people lie? People lie to avoid punishment, confrontation, shame, or loss of self-esteem. They lie for financial gain or to make themselves look better. People are more likely to lie in real time than when they have time to think through a response. A very common reason for lying is to spare someone's feelings. People are most likely to lie when put on the spot, "Do you like this dress?"

There are some who are more avid liars than others. Some people lie at the drop of a hat, others lie only in extreme circumstances. When lying becomes a survival mechanism that works in one situation, it often spreads to other situations as well. A person who lies at home will lie at work.

People who have less power in a given relationship are more likely to lie than persons with power: children to parents, wives to husbands, and employees to employers. Persons with power, however, will lie to avoid losing that power. People will also lie if they feel they have been lied to. Any way you look at it, lying begets more lying. One lie leads to another. It can become a vicious cycle between persons, or it can become a lifestyle. Lying destroys trust and ruins relationships. It also destroys the ability to trust others. A person who chronically lies is less likely to believe that someone else is telling the truth. A person who is chronically lied to is less likely to trust the next person.

What does this information have to do with us as pet groomers, i.e., service providers?

     • We can expect some lying. Our customers often want to save face,

     avoid consequences, look like good pet owners, avoid our

     judgment, and sometimes spare our feelings.

     • The more we take things personally, the more we will be lied to - to

     spare our feelings. The more judgmental we are, the more we will

     be lied to - to avoid loss of self esteem.

     • If we practice not judging our customers, responding with

     compassion and understanding, and not taking their actions

     personally or being too tender, we will be lied to less. If we create

     an atmosphere where our clients feel good about themselves as pet

     owners, we establish a margin of self-esteem that can withstand

     some human failure, and we will hear more truthfulness.

     • If we are forgiving, and apply consequences such as extra charges

     fairly and without a lot of drama, we will be lied to less.

     • If we reward people for telling the truth, by praising their honesty,

     and expressing appreciation of the truth, we will have less lying.

     • By our own willingness to tell the truth in difficult circumstances,

     such as messing up an appointment in the book, or failing to

     communicate clearly about something, we will encourage others to

     do the same. 

As professionals, we must model the desired behavior. If we admit to being less than perfect, the people around us can also be human. We cannot eliminate all lies, but we can reduce them by practicing the art of compassion. We can’t change other people, but sometimes when we change how we react to people, we can change how they are with us. When we hear that ancient excuse about "overnight matting" in spite of "daily brushing", instead of rolling our eyes and saying "That's

impossible!", we can say something like: "Doesn't it just seem like they are fine one day and a mess the next?" "Thanks for bringing him in, now let's see what we can do and how much it's going to cost." Once we remove the guilt and shame, they are more likely to listen to our explanation of how hair mats from the inside out and how owners often brush from the outside in. 

By being good-natured and forgiving, while managing consequences clearly and fairly, the groomer can establish a business that is a "zone of compassion". People will want to return to a relationship where they feel good about themselves and where it easier to tell the truth.

REFERENCES:

Kornet, Allison, “The Truth About Lying”, Psychology Today, May/June

1997.

Komp, Diane, “Anatomy of a Lie”, Zondervan Pub. House, 1998

Copyright: BBird, Birdzeye Press, 2006. For permission to use in whole or

part, contact the author at petpals@dakotacom.net or (520)795-5743.

In addition to owning TRANSFORMATION PET CENTER in Tucson, Arizona, BARBARA BIRD is author of the book Beyond Suds & Scent - Understanding Pet Shampoos & Conditioners.  She is also half of The Groom Pod, a weekly podcast for groomers. The Groom Pod can be found on iTunes, Stitcher, Facebook or www.thegroompod.com.